Writing tips: how to catch a reader and make sure that he'll follow you forever like a slave

Yeah, I know, I was supposed to post this blog entry three days ago. You can therefore add to the following list "don't lose the password of your blog".

1. People pretend to read. They don’t.
2. Always keep in mind those four letters: TLDR. Too long didn’t read.
3. Nobody cares. You’ll have to fight for each second of attention.
4. Nobody cares about reality. Emphasize. Dramatize. You do the same when you want to impress a girl / your friends.
5. Nobody cares about you. Writing is connecting. Be personal only when your experience is universal.
6. The reader will give you ten seconds, or three sentences, to be interesting.
7. You’re interesting when you reward your reader. Information, tip, jokes, pics, quotes, anecdotes... all those are rewards. Fun always works. Always.
8. If you think you’re boring, skip the first paragraph. Less context, more action.
9. The typical reader doesn’t start reading at the beginning. Which means you need to give him a map: title, subtitles, lists, numbers, paragraphs. The reader should know immediately how long it takes to read your article/ book/ blog post.
10. If you write for yourself only, please don’t share.
11. Don’t talk to people as if you were teaching in a university. Write clearly and honestly, as if they were good friends. Using complicated words doesn’t impress anyone older than 12.
12. Ideas move: give yours away, steal a few ones and make them your own. It’s all about sharing.
13. You need a topic + an angle. Style is not mandatory, except if writing is your job.
14. Here are ideas of structure: progression, reversed progression, timeline, interview, loop, list. Some writers design their books like cathedrals. Have fun: everything is allowed. And enjoy: you'll never be as free as when you write.
15. If your text is shorter after your corrections, you did it right.